I decided to write about this topic because of some recent events affecting someone very near and dear in my personal life, that are hard to watch. It is very comforting and satisfying to know that if an individual is true to their OWN value system, and makes well thought out decisions based on that system, they can greatly improve the level enjoyment and happiness in their life, as well as the lives of the people that are most important to them.
The first thing I ask people to do is to define their list of core values. Your own personal value system is defined by what is the MOST valuable to YOU!
I ask someone to REALLY ponder what is the most important to them in life, to pick two things that are very important to them, things that make them happy just to imagine those things in their perfect state.
Example: 1. A wonderful fulfilling formal education, a career, that brings them all the money and material things they desire.
2. A loving spouse or partner to share their life with that loves them unconditionally and would stand with them through any storm, trial or tribulation and still be there after the dust settles, have children and spend every valuable minute of their little lives and not miss anything that they might later regret being absent for.
Now I say: If you could ONLY pick one of the two and the other opportunity would be erased from your life, and you could never ever have a chance to have the one you didn't choose, (don't choose lightly and don't dismiss the question by rambling on about some philosophy saying ..”I think you can have both ..blah, blah, blah…”) Just play along and answer the question and be confident about your answer…..
After they completed that task successfully I’d say: “Congratulations, you just defined ONE of your core values.Now, design your life and make well thought out decisions that are in line with that value, and you will automatically be happier in knowing that by focusing on the thing MOST important to YOU. You will be setting up your life in a way that will fulfill the very desires that you NEED in order to be happy and fulfilled."
Now make that tough decision a few more times with anything else you can dream up, and you will be well on your way to creating a list of you OWN core values.
See, what makes us happy in life is moving toward the things that are most important in life to US as individuals. The only person that can determine what those values are is YOU, as an individual. Some people confuse the good feeling that they get when they receive recognition and praise from others (especially from people they love and respect) as happiness. That good feeling is short lived if the things they do, are not in line with their own values. If a person does things just because society (or the person/people they seek approval from) tells them it’s what they should be doing, that person will always be seeking recognition and approval from others in order to get their next feeling of perceived happiness. True happiness and inner peace comes when one takes action and makes decisions that are congruent with their OWN PERSONAL value system.
If you desire companionship, the people that will make you the happiest will naturally respect you more, and desire your company if you are honest and open about your motives.
The reason I used the example above is this. I see too many people, strictly because of society, their circle of influence, and a life of teaching of what's expected of them, make the wrong decision for themselves. After too much time has passed they are regretful and resentful of the life they chose to create. I will write more in depth about that topic in the near future.
This article is in no way saying that an individual should only be concerned with themselves and should in no way compromise for the comfort or compassion for others, and to put one’s own desires above others at all cost, If that confuses you, self sacrifice is a whole other topic you should spend time studying.
One thing I will say on the topic of self sacrifice is this: Self sacrifice past a certain threshold only creates resentment, so reserve it for only the times that it is truly necessary in order to actually improve the life of someone else. In those rare occasions self sacrifice can be one of the most rewarding things a human being can experience.
I share these thought to help people feed their mind, and give them something to ponder.
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Thanks for taking the time to read this and have a great week!P.J. Henry
P.J. Henry -Next Door Real Estate Mentor